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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Trouble In East Timor

On Aug. 30, East Timor voted overwhelmingly for independence from Indonesia, sparking a pro-Jakarta militia crackdown that has left hundreds of Timorese dead and prompted U.N. officials to evacuate the island. What do you think about this rapidly deteriorating international situation?
  • "It's a tough call. They're not as brown as Africans, but they're still pretty brown. I guess I'm leaning toward not caring."

    Franklin Schuitt Systems Analyst
  • "East Timor? Shouldn't the citizens be, you know, Timorous? Ha! Seriously, though, where is this town?"

    Richard Heep Bank Teller
  • "This crisis won't affect production of Kmart's fall fashion line, will it?"

    Linda Voskuil Homemaker
  • "As CNN's senior correspondent for the Pacific Rim, I'd just like to say, 'Hey, Noam Chomsky, look! We're finally doing a story about how oppressed East Timor is! Are you happy now?"

    Robert Iverson TV Journalist
  • "The U.S. has got to step in and hold a pancake-dinner benefit for these people."

    Melissa Orr College Student
  • "Martial law? A shoot-on-sight curfew? That's pretty serious, man. I just hope all the white people get out okay."

    Hugh Randolph Construction Worker

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