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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Trump To Skip Correspondents’ Dinner

President Trump has confirmed he will not attend the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner, the first president to decline since Ronald Reagan in 1981, who was recovering from an assassination attempt. What do you think?

  • “I didn’t realize he had been invited.”

    Seb Cooley Lumber Bundler
  • “Why anyone would turn down an opportunity to pal around with Wolf Blitzer, I’ll never understand.”

    Brian Wedel Doll Dresser
  • “Looks like late night TV hosts will just have to find some other outlet for mocking Trump.”

    Dolly Morris Box Carrier

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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