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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Trump Takes First Diplomatic Trip

President Donald Trump leaves today for an eight-day diplomatic trip to the Middle East and Europe, his first since entering office. What do you think?

  • “I think we all deserve some time away from America right now.”

    Brittany Flynn Wristband Checker
  • “It’ll be good for him to come back in a week and see all these unsolvable problems with fresh eyes.”

    Brendan Hagerty Disgraced Pastor
  • “He’s going to fuck this up somehow, isn’t he?”

    Stan Siebers Navy Dentist

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