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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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TSA Screeners Steal $160K

A pair of TSA screeners were caught stealing $39,000 from a passenger's bag and have since admitted to thefts totaling at least $160,000. What do you think?

  • "They found that $80,000 in cash I was carrying in my bag? Sweet! Where can I meet with the authorities to get it back?"

    Sigmund Wood Systems Analyst
  • "Ask them if they stole my 5 dollars. One time I went to the airport and I was pretty sure I had 25 dollars but then I only had 18. I bought a 2-dollar candy bar."

    Jill Bevan Cable Installer
  • "I guess they got suspicious when they noticed the airport screeners suddenly having enough money to support themselves."

    Adam Tandy Knife Setter

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