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Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once

‘Sometimes You Just Need To Treat Yourself,’ Sources Say

OSLO, NORWAY—Saying there was nothing wrong with treating yourself for a change, the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced Friday that it was awarding the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize to itself for once.

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.
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Tsunami Debris Approaching U.S.

Debris from the Japanese tsunami in March is now approaching Hawaii and is predicted to hit the West Coast of the U.S. in three years. What do you think?

  • "Oh, no! You’re telling me that it’s just a matter of time before slightly more shit washes up onto Venice Beach?"

    Keith Philipp Furniture Assembler
  • "Crap, all the good stuff will probably be gone by then."

    Oren Blaine Landscaper
  • "At least that gives me enough time to prepare my daughter before all the bloated and rotting Hello Kitty corpses wash ashore."

    Vicky Zimmerman Engineer

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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

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