Tsunami Debris Approaching U.S.

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Vol 47 Issue 43

Bill Simmons Somehow Still Writing About 2010 NBA Season

LOS ANGELES—With the NBA lockout having already resulted in the cancellation of many games this fall, ESPN.com and Grantland columnist Bill Simmons is somehow managing to churn out upwards of 3,000 words per week on the NBA by continuing to write ab...

FAA To Ban Plane Crashes

WASHINGTON—In what officials are calling "a much-needed policy shift," the Federal Aviation Administration announced this weekend that it would ban all plane crashes.

Man's Utter Failure In Life A Bit Of A Sore Spot

MADISONVILLE, TN—Sources close to local man Mike Ferguson confirmed Saturday that over time they have learned not to bring up their friend's utter failure to achieve anything whatsoever in life, a sensitive topic they said has always been a bit of a...

Lions Fans Excited To Be Booing Again

DETROIT—After their team dropped its second-straight game Sunday, Detroit Lions fans told reporters they were thrilled to get back to booing the hapless franchise.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Tsunami Debris Approaching U.S.

Debris from the Japanese tsunami in March is now approaching Hawaii and is predicted to hit the West Coast of the U.S. in three years. What do you think?

  • "Oh, no! You’re telling me that it’s just a matter of time before slightly more shit washes up onto Venice Beach?"

    Keith Philipp
    Furniture Assembler
  • "Crap, all the good stuff will probably be gone by then."

    Oren Blaine
    Landscaper
  • "At least that gives me enough time to prepare my daughter before all the bloated and rotting Hello Kitty corpses wash ashore."

    Vicky Zimmerman
    Engineer
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