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Tucson Keeps Church Protesters Away

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Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.

Who Is Tim Kaine?

Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine

Lone Superdelegate Voting For Martin O’Malley Feels Like Total Fucking Idiot

PHILADELPHIA—Sheepishly raising his hand to nominate the man who suspended his presidential campaign back in February, unpledged delegate Bob Shiefke told reporters Tuesday he felt like a “total fucking idiot” for being the only person at the Democratic National Convention voting for former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley.
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Tucson Keeps Church Protesters Away

The infamous Westboro Baptist Church called off plans to protest the funerals of those killed during the attempted assassination of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords in exchange for appearances on live radio programs in the Tucson area and elsewhere. What to you think?

  • "Bring them on. Arizona can take it. It absorbs crazy like a fist thrust into sourdough."

    Dan Hatch Kick-Press Operator
  • "Good. I’m keen to hear their carefully considered opinions."

    George Phipps Bagging Salvager
  • "I'm a big fan of the First Amendment and the rule of law and everything, but what if, just this once, the FBI and the Tucson police went to the movies for a couple hours while we tuned these bastards up with pipes?"

    Allie Turner Zipper Cutter

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