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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
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Tucson Keeps Church Protesters Away

The infamous Westboro Baptist Church called off plans to protest the funerals of those killed during the attempted assassination of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords in exchange for appearances on live radio programs in the Tucson area and elsewhere. What to you think?

  • "Bring them on. Arizona can take it. It absorbs crazy like a fist thrust into sourdough."

    Dan Hatch Kick-Press Operator
  • "Good. I’m keen to hear their carefully considered opinions."

    George Phipps Bagging Salvager
  • "I'm a big fan of the First Amendment and the rule of law and everything, but what if, just this once, the FBI and the Tucson police went to the movies for a couple hours while we tuned these bastards up with pipes?"

    Allie Turner Zipper Cutter

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