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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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TV Sports' Ratings Slide

Televised sports is in the midst of a decade-long ratings slump. What do you think of the steadily dwindling viewership?
  • "With all the televised sports out there–golf, NASCAR, WNBA basketball, Major League Soccer, pro beach volleyball–my total indif

    Dan Wiggins Bank Teller
  • "Maybe someone should invent a new game to reignite interest. A game where you eat snack cakes while throwing water balloons."

    Ted Bevacqua Custodian
  • "It seems odd that viewership is down, given all the slightly charismatic pro athletes out there."

    Stephanie Nettles Psychologist
  • "This is hardly surprising. That album came out nearly 20 years ago, and 'I Want A New Drug' was the only good song on it."

    Dana Gossage Homemaker
  • "I blame the networks. Their interstitial CGI graphics and exploding-helmet sound effects just don't pack the same entertainment

    Fred McReynolds Systems Analyst
  • "I guess I lost interest in televised sports when I realized you didn't need to watch it to hang out in Hooters."

    Carl Whitson Drill-Press Operator

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