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Twin Pandas Born In Atlanta

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Twin Pandas Born In Atlanta

Lun Lun, a 15-year-old giant panda housed at Zoo Atlanta, gave birth to a pair of twins this week, which join a panda family at the zoo that includes their father, Yang Yang, and two brothers. What do you think?

  • “Oh, good. Finally some new twins for mine to play with.”

    Marylou Keeney Explosives Handler
  • “I’m sure Yang Yang’s acting all excited, but I bet inside he’s totally freaking out.”

    Phil Slater Hamper Maker
  • “I don’t care what species it is, teenagers should not be having kids.”

    Toby Winton Systems Analyst

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