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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Twinkies Returning To Stores July 15

Emerging from bankruptcy under new ownership, snack food company Hostess announced that its iconic Twinkies will return to store shelves on July 15 with packages bearing the phrase “The Sweetest Comeback in the History of Ever.” What do you think?

  • “Things just keep looking up for America all the time!”

    Damian Lauter Lightning Rod Erector
  • “Time to bring my Twinkie the Kid impression back out of its holster.”

    Craig Sanderson Yardage Estimator
  • “The sweetest comeback? Have we forgotten Mickey Rourke?”

    Gladys Despotovich Makeup Artist

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