Twitter Now Features Ads

In This Section

Vol 46 Issue 15

Albert Pujols Sliding Into Everything After Learning To Slide

ST. LOUIS—Sources in the Cardinals organization confirmed Tuesday that, after completing private sliding lessons, Albert Pujols has been sliding feetfirst into equipment, open doorways, dirty laundry, teammates, dugouts, and anything else the three-time NL MVP can possibly slide into.

Opening Staff Rails Against Incompetence Of Closing Staff

ATHENS, GA—Citing a recent rash of barely mopped floors, sloppy register work, and general negligence, the opening staff of local restaurant Dom's issued a harsh proclamation this week, saying it would no longer endure the half-assed performance of the closing staff.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Energy

Spring

Twitter Now Features Ads

For the first time since its inception in 2006, the social networking service Twitter is running advertisements. What do you think?

  • "This is terrible! Now Twitter will be overrun with all kinds of useless, annoying messages."

    Nick McDonald
    Roll Thread Operator
  • "I was wary at first, but Sabra hummus really is offering a great deal to anyone who searches the #IranProtest hashtag."

    Frank Thompson
    Autism Aid
  • "It's just as well to have something flashy to catch your eye while you're slogging your way through one of the posts."

    Megan Foley
    Inquiry Response Coordinator
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More