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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Twitter Replaces ‘Retweet’ With ‘Share’

According to reports from users, the microblogging site Twitter quietly experimented this weekend with swapping the popular retweet function for a “share” button, a move that may be part of ongoing tests to make the site more engaging for users. What do you think?

  • “One day I’ll tell my grandkids about the crap Twitter pulled that one March weekend in ’14.”

    Grace Harper Library Book Unloader
  • “Oh, come on. I finally just learned what a retweet is, and now I gotta try and figure out what this other word they just made up means?”

    Dan Weisel Laundry Machine Repairer
  • “How dare they try to run their company how they see fit.”

    Andrew Greene Land Surveyor

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