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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Two New Elements To Be Named

The International Union of Pure Applied Chemistry unveiled two new elements last week, tentatively named flerovium and livermorium. What do you think?

  • "I was about to give up on science and become religious. This is just the kind of thing I need to keep my interest! Go science!"

    Frank Alger Hand Embroiderer
  • "Son of a bitch! I should have known there was some sneaky reason that stack of periodic tables was so cheap."

    Alexandra Zigmunt Hook Puller
  • "I was wondering when they’d add a new element and finally get the bad taste of roentgenium out of my mouth. What a shitty element that was."

    Roy Craig Pay-Station Attendant
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