adBlockCheck

International

Police Find Super-Sharp Buck Knife

'It's The Kind With A Blade That Locks In Place,' Says Law Enforcement Spokesperson

Warning residents that the blade was “super deadly” and “badass,” city police officials held a press conference Wednesday to announce that they had found a really cool wooden-handled Buck-brand pocketknife on the street.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.
End Of Section
  • More News

Uday And Qusay On Display

Last week, the U.S. military defended its decision to place the bodies of Saddam Hussein's sons on display. What do you think?
  • "I can think of no better way to win opposing Iraqi hearts and minds than by showing them some opposing Iraqis' actual hearts and minds."

    Patrick Herron Computer Specialist
  • So, we've got Uday and Qusay. Now, how about the eapons-way of ass-may estruction-day?

    Darcie Windham Activity Director
  • "Now the Iraqis will love us, like they were supposed to in the first place."

    Juan Russ Station Engineer
  • "My heart goes out to Saddam. I can't imagine what it's like to lose even one, much less two evil henchmen."

    Marty Felder Bus Driver
  • "Raise the heads on gilded poles! Roast the fatted calf! We need a rousing song--summon Toby Keith!"

    Terrance Fleck Histopathologist
  • "Super. Now, let's show those bodies to the economy and our problems are over."

    Alisa Overstreet Systems Analyst

More from this section

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close