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Ultra-HD "4K" Televisions Replacing 3D TVs In Stores

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NFL Vows To Fix Bottomless Pit On Levi’s Stadium Field Before Super Bowl

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following persistent safety concerns regarding the playing surface throughout the regular season, the NFL made firm assurances Friday to both the Denver Broncos and Carolina Panthers that the bottomless pit in the middle of the field at Levi’s Stadium will be fully repaired before Super Bowl 50.

Area Man Would Hate Cam Newton Even If He Was Different Minority

MURRAY, KY—Adamantly stressing that his disdain for the 26-year-old quarterback is not based on any racial prejudice toward African Americans, local 49-year-old Michael Willet told reporters Friday that he would hate Cam Newton even if the Carolina Panthers star was a different minority.

Monocle-Wearing Oil Baron’s Cigarette Holder Splinters In Clenched Teeth After Hearing Bernie Sanders’ Environmental Platform

GREENWICH, CT—Leaving him visibly seething as he sat in his tufted leather wingback chair in his study, monocle-wearing oil baron Frederick Porter Harriman’s ivory-inlaid cigarette holder reportedly splintered between his clenched teeth upon him hearing presidential candidate Bernie Sanders outline his environmental platform during Thursday night’s Democratic debate.
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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Ultra-HD "4K" Televisions Replacing 3D TVs In Stores

Five years after the industry touted 3D TVs as the future of home entertainment, manufacturers at Monday’s International Consumer Electronics Show announced that they are phasing out their 3D TV lineups in favor of Ultra-HD “4K" televisions capable of showing video at four times the pixel resolution of standard HDTVs. What do you think?

  • “I was just saying how the image on my crystal clear 60-inch, high-definition television isn’t sharp enough.”

    Kevin McCreary
    Independent Trader
  • "They really expect me to go back to watching Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole in 2D?"

    Rachel LeClair
    Grand Piano Tuner
  • “3D, 4K, what’s next? A higher number followed by a different letter? I bet that would be pretty cool.”

    Dustin Milburn
    Label Remover

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