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U.N. Appoints First Ambassador To Aliens

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Trump Casually Informs Pence He Going To Make One Or Two Appearances During Speech

CLEVELAND—Pulling his running mate aside backstage at the Republican National Convention just minutes before the Indiana governor was scheduled to formally accept the party’s vice presidential nomination, GOP candidate Donald Trump casually informed Mike Pence that he would probably make one or two quick appearances during the Midwestern conservative’s headlining speech tonight.

‘Heed My Tragic Story Well, Friends, For You Could Just As Easily Be Me,’ Says Chris Christie In Haunting RNC Speech

CLEVELAND—A thrall sweeping over the assembled GOP officials and party members Tuesday as he recounted his chilling tale of hubris, New Jersey governor Chris Christie reportedly entreated those at the Republican National Convention to consider the sad story of his own dizzying rise and ignominious fall, offering a bitter warning to all in attendance that his terrible fate could befall any one of them.
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U.N. Appoints First Ambassador To Aliens

Malaysian astrophysicist Mazlan Othman has been designated as the first person extraterrestrial aliens will have contact with, should they exist and visit. What do you think?

  • "In the past, the aliens had to take themselves out to Red Robin, and that is just unacceptable."

    Liam Armstrong Systems Analyst
  • "We already beamed out naked drawings of ourselves years ago. Shouldn't we wait until we get their pictures before talking more?"

    Kaitlyn Fredericksen Sidehand
  • "What makes us so sure the aliens will visit Malaysia first? Discover British Columbia: 'You gotta be here.'"

    Kevin Steineckert British Columbia Tourism Spokesperson

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