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Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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U.N. Appoints First Ambassador To Aliens

Malaysian astrophysicist Mazlan Othman has been designated as the first person extraterrestrial aliens will have contact with, should they exist and visit. What do you think?

  • "In the past, the aliens had to take themselves out to Red Robin, and that is just unacceptable."

    Liam Armstrong Systems Analyst
  • "We already beamed out naked drawings of ourselves years ago. Shouldn't we wait until we get their pictures before talking more?"

    Kaitlyn Fredericksen Sidehand
  • "What makes us so sure the aliens will visit Malaysia first? Discover British Columbia: 'You gotta be here.'"

    Kevin Steineckert British Columbia Tourism Spokesperson

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