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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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U.N. To Look For Genocide In Darfur

Last week, U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan set up a commission to determine whether genocide has taken place in the Darfur region of Sudan. What do you think?
  • "So this might have been a genocide after all, and not a civil war in which only one side was fighting."

    Harold Mercer Systems Analyst
  • "I think the U.N. is going to find that the blame lies with all the Sudanese rap music that glamorizes genocide."

    Amber Hughes Program Aide
  • "I don't know why the U.N. is getting involved in the first place. I also don't know what 'U.N.' stands for."

    Tom Cook Salesman
  • "I think the entire world will breathe a sigh of relief if the U.N. finds that it is not genocide. Well, everyone except for the half-million people who were murdered there."

    Patrick Zink Administrator
  • "Darfur, Darfur, Darfur. That's all you ever hear these days. That, and the ongoing slaughter of civilians at the hands of government troops and Maoist rebels in Nepal."

    Teodoro Manzo Roofer
  • "I sure hope the U.N. determines it was a genocide. Otherwise, none of the Sudanese will be covered under their genocide insurance."

    Norma Carrigan Appraiser

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