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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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UN To U.S.: Close Gitmo

  • "The UN should stick to doing what it does best: providing a second career for celebrities who are dead inside."

    Anna Sjogren Cabinetmaker
  • "And risk not getting the valuable information when a prisoner cracks in his eighth year of incarceration? Forget it."

    David Hyde Consignment Store Clerk
  • "The UN? I didn't know those guys were still around!"

    Jonathan Kroft Pool Cleaner

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