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‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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Unabomber Property Down In Price

A 1.4-acre plot of land in Montana where Theodore "The Unabomber" Kaczynski lived is up for sale, its price recently lowered to $69,500. What do you think?

  • "That would be the perfect place to park my Kevorkian van."

    Kylie Laskin Systems Analyst
  • "Boy, that's rough. I hope he saved up some of that money he made from Unabombing people."

    Nick Young Coal Hauler
  • "That's okay. I've got my eye on a nice piece of land with four viable exits and clear sight lines to the Pennsylvania Capitol Building."

    Whit Feeny Unemployed

More from this section

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

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