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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Unabomber's Possessions To Be Auctioned Off

Possessions of Theodore "The Unabomber" Kaczynski seized by FBI agents, including typewriters, hand tools, and a briefcase containing his diplomas, are to be put up for auction by court order. What do you think?
  • "It's too bad that they're not auctioning off the actual bomb-making materials. Nothing quite says 'Unabomber' like his bomb-making materials."

    Dax Grenoq Street Fair Vendor
  • "If I could get a Ted Kaczynski hammer to go with my Eric Rudolph chisel, that part of the toolbox would be totally covered."

    Jenny DiClaudio Systems Analyst
  • "Isn't this Internet auction exactly the type of thing he warned us about in his manifesto?"

    Wilhelm Prediger Plumber

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