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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Unabomber's Possessions To Be Auctioned Off

Possessions of Theodore "The Unabomber" Kaczynski seized by FBI agents, including typewriters, hand tools, and a briefcase containing his diplomas, are to be put up for auction by court order. What do you think?
  • "It's too bad that they're not auctioning off the actual bomb-making materials. Nothing quite says 'Unabomber' like his bomb-making materials."

    Dax Grenoq Street Fair Vendor
  • "If I could get a Ted Kaczynski hammer to go with my Eric Rudolph chisel, that part of the toolbox would be totally covered."

    Jenny DiClaudio Systems Analyst
  • "Isn't this Internet auction exactly the type of thing he warned us about in his manifesto?"

    Wilhelm Prediger Plumber
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