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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Unemployed Face Job Discrimination

More and more companies are requiring job applicants to already have a job. What do you think?

  • "Makes sense to me. At my all-you-can-eat restaurant, we require you to show up full."

    Colin Wierzbowski Restaurateur
  • "As the head of a company myself, yes, I'd prefer that applicants already have jobs. Either that, or no work experience, an Ivy League diploma, and an entitled, overly confident attitude."

    Wendy Van Leuwen CEO
  • "And here I thought the trouble was me being a disabled, sixty-year-old black man."

    Rufus Lydecker Unemployed

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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

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