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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

God Sick Of New Angel’s Annoying Fucking Voice

THE HEAVENS—Calling the sound a “cross between a train whistle and a dying goat,” God, Our Lord And Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was already sick of a new angel’s “incredibly fucking annoying voice.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.
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Universal Health Care For San Francisco

The San Francisco Board of Supervisors recently passed a measure to make free health care available to all of the city's uninsured. What do you think?
  • "First they make a mockery of my bitter, loveless marriage, now they make a mockery of my restrictive overpriced health care. Is nothing sacred to these monsters?"

    Henry Gaven Historian
  • "Wow, free health care. And all you have to do is live within the bounds of the city with the third highest cost of living in the country."

    Lexie Martin Building Mover
  • "I'm fine with this as long as there's an opt-out provision for people who prefer to be sick."

    James Palmer Nursing Student
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