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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Universal Health Care For San Francisco

The San Francisco Board of Supervisors recently passed a measure to make free health care available to all of the city's uninsured. What do you think?
  • "First they make a mockery of my bitter, loveless marriage, now they make a mockery of my restrictive overpriced health care. Is nothing sacred to these monsters?"

    Henry Gaven Historian
  • "Wow, free health care. And all you have to do is live within the bounds of the city with the third highest cost of living in the country."

    Lexie Martin Building Mover
  • "I'm fine with this as long as there's an opt-out provision for people who prefer to be sick."

    James Palmer Nursing Student

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