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Universal Slashes CD Prices

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Universal Slashes CD Prices

Hoping to revive moribund sales, Universal Music Group is dropping the price of most new CDs to $10 or less. What do you think?

  • "CDs, cool. One of those came with the last Fleet Foxes 45 I bought."

    Darnell Schwartz Line Manager
  • "I think a more realistic way for Universal to increase CD sales would be to develop some kind of device that erases the memories of everybody on earth so that no one realizes the Internet still exists."

    Douglas Yauch Loom Operator
  • "Right on. I can't wait to buy the next album from Universal."

    Taylor Diamond Semi Driver

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