Universe Older, Wider Than Previously Thought

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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Universe Older, Wider Than Previously Thought

Astronomers determined that the universe is actually 13.8 billion years old, about 80 to 100 million years older than previously believed, and that it is also a bit wider than once thought. What do you think?

  • “How embarrassing.”

    Victoria Rosegard
    Street Cleaner
  • “Typical. You give birth to a few trillion galaxies and then people just talk about how old and fat you’ve gotten.”

    Francois Jenevein
    Hide Trimmer
  • “Just like it says in Leviticus.”

    Chris Vanderhorst
    Systems Analyst