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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Universe Older, Wider Than Previously Thought

Astronomers determined that the universe is actually 13.8 billion years old, about 80 to 100 million years older than previously believed, and that it is also a bit wider than once thought. What do you think?

  • “How embarrassing.”

    Victoria Rosegard Street Cleaner
  • “Typical. You give birth to a few trillion galaxies and then people just talk about how old and fat you’ve gotten.”

    Francois Jenevein Hide Trimmer
  • “Just like it says in Leviticus.”

    Chris Vanderhorst Systems Analyst
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