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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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University Shuts Down Marijuana Rally

In order to deter an annual marijuana legalization rally, officials at the University of Colorado–Boulder closed the campus to visitors and applied an odorous fish-based fertilizer to the lawn. What do you think?

  • "If the stench of 10,000 marijuana advocates isn't going to deter these people, a few pounds of fertilizer probably won't do the trick."

    Lorna Peakes Systems Analyst
  • "I wish I had college stories of huge parties that got canceled."

    Lane Hancock Mark-Up Designer
  • "This is what's wrong with today's college students. In my day, we burned down the dean's home and he learned not to mess with our drugs."

    Ted Winters Attorney

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