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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Unrest In Iraq

Violence against American troops in Iraq surged last week, with attacks killing dozens. What do you think?
  • "All I know is, if the Iraqis had invaded our country, we'd be acting a lot nicer to them than they are to us."

    Geraldine Bates Telemarketer
  • "My cousin is in the Army, and he said that the Iraqis want us there. So I can't really figure out why they shot him."

    Molly Chandler Dental Hygienist
  • "I wish the media were more conservative, so we wouldn't have to hear about these things."

    Arthur Serra Pharmacist
  • "In concentrating on Iraq's weapons of mass destruction, we forgot about their weapons of one teeny little bit of destruction at a time."

    Nicholas Hoyt CFO
  • "Why would the Iraqis bomb their own country? That's like shitting in your kitchen sink—good for emergencies, but not a great idea overall."

    Brian Purdey Student
  • "The G.I. deaths are tragic and alarming, but the fact that even more Iraqis are dying should provide some consolation."

    Frank Demoss Systems Analyst

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