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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Uruguay First To Buy Cheap Laptops

Uruguay has become the first country to order the famed "$100" laptops, with a contract to buy 100,000 of the devices for the country's schoolchildren. What do you think?
  • "Haha. I love how $1,200 is too expensive for some people to spend on a laptop. Like, who are these people?"

    Charlene Byer Systems Analyst
  • "That's one laptop for every 30 people in Uruguay, a fact they can use when promoting their country."

    Robert Reynolds Sports Memorabilia Seller
  • "This devalues the whole point of poverty."

    Josh Austin Fundraiser

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