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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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Uruguay Legalizes Marijuana

Uruguay became the first country in the world to fully legalize production and distribution of marijuana, allowing Uruguayan citizens over the age of 18 to grow up to six pot plants of their own and purchase up to 1.4 ounces of the drug per month. What do you think?

  • “But how are they supposed to fill up their jails?”

    Eric Sax Newsstand Owner
  • “Now when I visit Uruguay everyone will think I’m there to get high, not to enjoy the beautiful handcrafted woolen goods.”

    Ray Rogers Submarine Technician
  • “Is this one of those deals where I show up and someone steals my organs?”

    Alice Teller Cabaret Singer

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