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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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U.S. 17th Happiest Country In World

According to the 2013 World Happiness Report released earlier this week, the United States is the seventeenth happiest country on the planet, ranking behind our neighbors Canada and Mexico, which came in sixth and sixteenth, respectively. What do you think?

  • “Yeah, but I feel like thirteenth!”

    Marly Rasch Wallpaper Printer
  • “Canada probably thinks happiness is looking at a tree or something. Mexico is simply lying.”

    Van Smith Oil Pipe Inspector
  • “Why would they conduct that study before the iPhone 5S came out?”

    Tony Ugel Ice Cutter

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