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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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U.S. Begins Nuclear Talks With Iran

The United States and five other nations will begin talks with Iranian negotiators in the city of Almaty, Kazakhstan today to discuss easing sanctions on the Middle Eastern country in exchange for a halt to its nuclear program. What do you think?

  • “Diplomacy? Sounds like another one of Obama’s harebrained schemes.”

    Al Moon Undercoat Sprayer
  • “Looks like someone just wants a free trip to Almaty.”

    Annabel Limery Unemployed
  • “They should do those trust falls. Those really help.”

    Richard Bozzi Rouge Mixer

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