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U.S. Begins Nuclear Talks With Iran

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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U.S. Begins Nuclear Talks With Iran

The United States and five other nations will begin talks with Iranian negotiators in the city of Almaty, Kazakhstan today to discuss easing sanctions on the Middle Eastern country in exchange for a halt to its nuclear program. What do you think?

  • “Diplomacy? Sounds like another one of Obama’s harebrained schemes.”

    Al Moon Undercoat Sprayer
  • “Looks like someone just wants a free trip to Almaty.”

    Annabel Limery Unemployed
  • “They should do those trust falls. Those really help.”

    Richard Bozzi Rouge Mixer

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