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Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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U.S. Cancels Joint Exercises With Russia

The United States will "in all likelihood" drop out of annual naval exercises with Russia to express disapproval of the country's war with Georgia. What do you think?
  • "Good going, U.S. I am so sick of all the mixed signals. This sends a firm message that we will no longer exercise navally with Russia."

    Charles Jolicoeur Billing Clerk
  • "That doesn't go far enough. The U.S. also needs to enact a full-scale boycott of South Ossetian hazelnuts."

    Allen Mercer Punch-Press Operator
  • "That leaves a slot open for Luxembourg. They've been dying to get invited to one of these things."

    Ellie Mason Saucier

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