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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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U.S. Celebrates Independence Day

Americans are enjoying the day off with friends and family in celebration of the 237th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. How are you celebrating the Fourth of July?

  • “I’ll be drinking tall boys and, like every year, honoring the assistance of the French.”

    Jack Loop Christmas Tree Farmer
  • “I’m going to refuse to eat any cupcake that isn’t flag-themed.”

    Richard Thingvall Polygraph Examiner
  • “Well, my dog will be scared of the fireworks, so I’ll probably just stay under the table with him.”

    Virginia Kemeny Trust Company President
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