adBlockCheck

U.S. Cleaning Up Agent Orange In Vietnam

Top Headlines

Recent News

Diehard Trump Voters Confirm Rest Of Nation Should Stop Wasting Time Trying To Reach Them

‘If Anything Could Change Our Minds, It Would’ve Happened By Now,’ Say Candidate’s Supporters

WASHINGTON—Saying it should be very clear by now that absolutely nothing can change their position on the matter, steadfast supporters of Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump told the rest of the nation Wednesday that it really shouldn’t bother trying to persuade them not to vote for him.

Mom Learns About New Vegetable

MERRILVILLE, IN—Excitedly sharing the news with her husband and two teenage children, local mother Karen Tyson, 49, learned about a new vegetable Wednesday, sources confirmed.

Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop

AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts.

Why Don’t People Like Hillary Clinton?

Although she’s secured the Democratic presidential nomination, many voters across all demographics are still hesitant to vote for Hillary Clinton. The Onion breaks down the reasons Clinton is having a hard time luring reluctant voters.

Cover Letter Specifically Tailored To Company Even Sadder Than Generic Ones

BEDMINSTER, NJ—Wincing noticeably as they read the applicant’s claim that he has “always wanted to work for the leading midsize pharmaceutical advertising and brand strategy group in the tri-state area,” sources at Percepta Healthcare Communications confirmed Tuesday that a cover letter specifically tailored to their company was much sadder than any of the generic ones they had received for a recently posted job opening.

Who Are Donald Trump’s Supporters?

As Election Day draws near and GOP candidate Donald Trump continues to retain a loyal supporter base, many wonder who these voters are and what motivates them. Here are some key facts to know
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

U.S. Cleaning Up Agent Orange In Vietnam

Thirty-seven years after the end of the Vietnam War, the United States will clean up an area in central Vietnam where Agent Orange was synthesized and stored, as seepage of the toxic defoliant into the groundwater has long been blamed by locals for cancer and birth defects. What do you think?

  • “Can we really be sure what’s causing all those problems with only 37 years of data?”

    Bob Bronner Lighting Equipment Operator
  • “Come on, if we go around cleaning up every little mess we created in every little country we invaded how are we going to have time to do anything else?”

    Butch Luscombe Unemployed
  • “Iraq, we’ll see you in 35 years or so."

    Julio Urbano Legal Secretary

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close