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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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U.S. Cleaning Up Agent Orange In Vietnam

Thirty-seven years after the end of the Vietnam War, the United States will clean up an area in central Vietnam where Agent Orange was synthesized and stored, as seepage of the toxic defoliant into the groundwater has long been blamed by locals for cancer and birth defects. What do you think?

  • “Can we really be sure what’s causing all those problems with only 37 years of data?”

    Bob Bronner Lighting Equipment Operator
  • “Come on, if we go around cleaning up every little mess we created in every little country we invaded how are we going to have time to do anything else?”

    Butch Luscombe Unemployed
  • “Iraq, we’ll see you in 35 years or so."

    Julio Urbano Legal Secretary

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