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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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U.S. Coach: America Will Not Win World Cup

As the 2014 FIFA World Cup kicks off today in Brazil, U.S. coach Jürgen Klinsmann is taking flak for stating at a press conference that “For us now, talking about winning a World Cup is just not realistic,” a comment that many U.S. fans have viewed as defeatist and un-American. What do you think?

  • “What a fatalist. This guy also probably thinks soccer will never be more popular than football in the U.S.”

    Bryan Guse Cement Mixer
  • “Look, he’s just trying to manage expectations in the mistaken belief that anybody has any.”

    Ashley Prud’homme Legal Counsel
  • “Won’t he have egg on his face when he’s holding that giant trophy.”

    Robert Tarpinian Systems Analyst

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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