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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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U.S. Driving Less

Americans drove 53.2 billion fewer miles in the past nine months than they did in a comparable period a year ago. What do you think?
  • "This is a message for the auto companies that they need to be building cars that are bigger and more fun."

    Ruth Steinem Systems Analyst
  • "I've definitely driven a billion miles less than last year. Well, more like 800 million."

    Sam Pollard Spot Welder
  • "You know what? I bet that has something to do with high gas prices. Has anyone looked into that?"

    Ray Pettibon 3-D Modeler

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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