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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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U.S. Economy Unexpectedly Shrank Last Quarter

The nation’s GDP contracted 0.1 percent over the final three months of 2012, surprising most economists and ending a string of three and a half years of growth. What do you think?

  • “Really? But I bought, like, four new shirts.”

    Raman Abbas Crystallizer Operator
  • “Certainly you didn’t expect this recent wave of wealth and prosperity to last forever.”

    Meredith Arguello Parasitologist
  • “I blame myself.”

    Wesley Washington Systems Analyst

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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