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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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U.S. Faces Cauliflower Shortage

Due to climate change and the resultant low temperatures in California and Arizona where crops are grown, the nation faces a shortage of cauliflower, driving the price up to eight dollars per bundle in some areas. What do you think?

  • “Is it possible that the price increase is due to rampant speculation by insatiable investors?”

    Chad Yoder Petroleum Sifter
  • “Sounds like a death knell for the whole vegetarian trend.”

    Becca Clemmons Second Bailiff
  • “What will people mash in a futile attempt to replace potatoes now?”

    Ralph Deacon Podium Carpenter
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