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Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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U.S. Facing Helium Shortage

With its helium reserves rapidly depleting, the United States faces a shortage expected to have a detrimental effect on certain sectors of the economy. What do you think?

  • “Ah, the hell with balloons anyway. They were useless for getting me well soon.”

    Jerry Faulk Lifeguard
  • “Greetings, earthling. We come in peace. See? Not as funny without the helium, is it?”

    Dana Creamer Systems Analyst
  • “As a dirigible pilot since 1935, I thank God for an excuse to get out of this fucking business.”

    Gary William Delineator

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