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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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U.S. Funding Video Games

According to University of Texas tax professor Calvin H. Johnson, the video game industry is one of the most heavily subsidized in the United States, a result of its unique position in software development, entertainment, and online retail. What do you think?

  • "We need these subsidies if we want our video games to compete with popular foreign games like Madden Cricket League ’12 and Grand Theft Peugeot."

    Jeff Malcom Binder Layer
  • “Are you saying my unemployed son may actually be doing something productive by obsessively playing video games? No? You’re not saying that at all?”

    Leticia Smart Mold Laminator
  • "Now perhaps people will stop asking me what the hell I'm talking about when I say Madden NFL is the ethanol of video games."

    Shelby Jolly Candy Maker

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