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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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U.S. Headed For 'Fiscal Cliff'

According to the Congressional Budget Office, if Republicans and Democrats don't resolve their budget stalemate by year’s end, they may push the nation over a "fiscal cliff," with automatic spending cuts and tax increases causing a new recession and 2 million job losses in 2013. What do you think?

  • “Okay, that doesn’t sound good. How much do we have in savings?"

    Patti Tostado Butcher
  • “I’d be more interested in this issue if you told me one specific party to blame.”

    Donald Borchers Ammonia Still Operator
  • “Wow, really? Just like Nostradamus predicted.”

    Curtis Garsha Unemployed

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