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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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U.S. Hits 300 Million People

The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that the U.S. population reached 300 million today at 7:46 am. What do you think?
  • "That's great. I'm like three guys short for my poker game this Thursday."

    Brandon Kelvin Heating Installer
  • "We could always give Minnesota its independence. That would trim it back some, and I've always hated those guys."

    Clarissa Benjamin Bus Driver
  • "Thank God we have the second-highest infant-mortality rate in the industrialized world, or else we'd be screwed."

    Owen Last Dry Cleaner

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