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U.S. Hits 300 Million People

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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

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The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race
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U.S. Hits 300 Million People

The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that the U.S. population reached 300 million today at 7:46 am. What do you think?
  • "That's great. I'm like three guys short for my poker game this Thursday."

    Brandon Kelvin Heating Installer
  • "We could always give Minnesota its independence. That would trim it back some, and I've always hated those guys."

    Clarissa Benjamin Bus Driver
  • "Thank God we have the second-highest infant-mortality rate in the industrialized world, or else we'd be screwed."

    Owen Last Dry Cleaner

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