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U.S. Home Prices Rise Sharply

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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U.S. Home Prices Rise Sharply

According to newly released figures, home prices in the United States rose 12 percent from April 2012 to April 2013, the fastest rate of increase since before the housing crash in 2006. What do you think?

  • “Well now I’ll never be able to afford a house without some kind of ridiculous loan.”

    Rex Franco Railroad Track Layer
  • “But I’ve had the house where my mom died on the market for more than a year. Maybe I should stop advertising it that way.”

    Lois Stevens Frame Assembler
  • “I don’t understand math, so I’ll buy two houses just to be safe.”

    Ron Foy Wildlife Control Agent

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