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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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U.S. Horse Slaughter To Resume

A five-year ban on the butchering of horses for meat has expired, meaning slaughterhouses can once more process horses for human consumption. What do you think?

  • "Yuck! What have they been putting in my horse cakes?"

    Kevin Crispiano Meter Shop Supervisor
  • "Hey, everybody complaining about excessive government regulation, the Obama administration hears you. Now go eat some horse meat."

    Hector Velez Knitter Mechanic
  • "This opens the door for Roy Rogers to bring back the Triggerburger."

    Katie Steinweiss Unemployed
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