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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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U.S. House Hardly Working

To date, the House of Representatives has worked less than 25 days this year. What do you think?
  • "Maybe they're still working off the overtime accrued from the Schiavo emergency session."

    Ryan Ridge Optometrist
  • "I thought Wal-Mart's Tuesday/Thursday greeter looked awfully like U.S. Rep. Mike Conaway."

    Joe Chandler Lumberjack
  • "Take a classic masterpiece like the Anti-Injunction Act of 1793, and compare it to the monstrosity that is the current Postal Service Act Amendment Bill of 2005. See? You can't rush good drafting."

    Alleen Barber Systems Analyst

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