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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.

Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.
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U.S. Immigration Fence?

Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-CA) proposed legislation that would call for the creation of an $8 billion, 2,000-mile fence on the U.S.-Mexico border. What do you think?
  • "Can it be a 2,000-mile-long picket fence? That would at least look nice and seem neighborly."

    Joan Novak Postal Clerk
  • "Building a fence along the border is a great way to keep fat, out-of-shape Mexicans out of our country."

    Luke Hurley Tree Surgeon
  • "$8 billion?! I know some day laborers that could put up that fence for under 60 bucks as long as you don't tell them what it's for."

    Curtis Boyd Fire Marshall

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