U.S. Infant-Mortality High

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Goodwill Executives Arrested After Years Of Skimming Donated Goods Off Top

ROCKVILLE, MD—In what authorities are calling one of the most wide-reaching and deplorable cases of embezzlement in recent history, seven executives at Goodwill Industries International were arrested Thursday for allegedly skimming used clothing, old furniture, small appliances, and thousands of other donated items from the charitable group.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Man’s Body Running Out Of Ideas To Convince Him He Full

    BAYTOWN, TX—Having repeatedly ratcheted up the 34-year-old’s level of discomfort with no noticeable effect on his behavior, the body of local man Kent Dugan confirmed Wednesday that it was starting to run out of ideas to convince him that he was full.

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U.S. Infant-Mortality High

In a survey of 33 industrialized nations, the United States was shown to have the second-worst infant-mortality rate. What do you think?
  • "Hey, don't put this at my feet. I stopped shaking my babies months ago."

    Kate Thornton
    Career Counselor
  • "Fucking unpatriotic dead babies making the United States look bad."

    Alan Kincaid
    Switchboard Operator
  • "Number two? This is bullshit!"

    Kevin Kolski
    Systems Analyst