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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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U.S. Lifts Embargo Against Palestine

The United States lifted sanctions against Palestine, and will resume sending aid to the country. What do you think?
  • "This will certainly anger and/or please Hamas and/or Fatah and inspire violence and/or peace in the region."

    Barry Dudley Carpet Cleaner
  • "Next, the U.S. should resume sending aid to our public schools, because a lot of people have no idea where or what Palestine is."

    Steven Jeczalik Paper Stacker
  • "Was I not supposed to be sending money to Palestine this whole time? Whoops. My mistake."

    Ann Langan Greens Tender

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