adBlockCheck

Recent News

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
End Of Section
  • More News

U.S. Loses 4,000 Jobs

The U.S. economy lost 4,000 jobs last month—the largest drop in four years—raising fears of a recession. What do you think?
  • "So what? A recession just means people will start drinking off-brand soda. Doesn't matter to me as long as I still get five cents a can."

    Alma Peters Pollster
  • "Good. Working sucks!"

    Dale Landmark Ice Cream Truck Driver
  • "This can all be remedied through interest rates. How it's done and to what extent I haven't a clue, but interest rates are the key."

    Ivan Paymer Systems Analyst
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close
settings