U.S. Loses 4,000 Jobs

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Vol 43 Issue 37

Description Of Sexual Fantasy Changing With Girlfriend's Reaction

Local resident Ethan Kendler's description of his sexual fantasies to girlfriend Rebecca LaBatt veered awkwardly from the kinky to the banal Sunday, as a raunchy but emotionally honest expression of carnal desire degenerated into inoffensive, marginally erotic entreaties.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

U.S. Loses 4,000 Jobs

The U.S. economy lost 4,000 jobs last month—the largest drop in four years—raising fears of a recession. What do you think?
  • "So what? A recession just means people will start drinking off-brand soda. Doesn't matter to me as long as I still get five cents a can."

    Alma Peters
    Pollster
  • "Good. Working sucks!"

    Dale Landmark
    Ice Cream Truck Driver
  • "This can all be remedied through interest rates. How it's done and to what extent I haven't a clue, but interest rates are the key."

    Ivan Paymer
    Systems Analyst
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