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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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U.S. Middle Class No Longer Richest In World

An analysis by the New York Times revealed that the United States no longer has the richest middle class in the world and is now second behind Canada. What do you think?

  • “Oh, sure, if you’re going to compare us to first-world countries, we’re definitely not going to come out looking so good.”

    Arnie McCray Landscape Architect
  • “I had a feeling that Canada was doing better than us after it installed that new set of kitchen cabinets we simply can’t afford right now.”

    Ivy Holloway Assistant Teacher
  • “Gay marriage is destroying this nation.”

    Patrick Ansa Systems Analyst

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