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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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U.S. Operating Massive Online Spying Program

The National Security Agency admitted to accessing the databases of many of the largest internet companies including Google, Facebook, Apple, and Skype, allowing the agency to mine the contents of emails, photos, videos, chats, and other online data. What do you think?

  • “It’s nice to see Republicans and Democrats sneaking around together on this.”

    Brooke Hall Systems Analyst
  • “I give up on America. Ah, who am I kidding—I’m not going to leave. Never mind. I’ll stay. Woo, America! Forget I said anything.”

    Winfred Malick Touch-Up Painter
  • “As long as they’re using the information to learn about my tastes and then cater specific NSA products my way, I’m fine with it.”

    Vern Polo Watch Parts Inspector
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