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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Trump Plans To ‘Drain The Swamp’

One of Donald Trump’s central presidential campaign promises was to “drain the swamp” by ridding Washington politics of corruption and corporate influence. Here’s how he plans to do it.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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U.S. Operating Massive Online Spying Program

The National Security Agency admitted to accessing the databases of many of the largest internet companies including Google, Facebook, Apple, and Skype, allowing the agency to mine the contents of emails, photos, videos, chats, and other online data. What do you think?

  • “It’s nice to see Republicans and Democrats sneaking around together on this.”

    Brooke Hall Systems Analyst
  • “I give up on America. Ah, who am I kidding—I’m not going to leave. Never mind. I’ll stay. Woo, America! Forget I said anything.”

    Winfred Malick Touch-Up Painter
  • “As long as they’re using the information to learn about my tastes and then cater specific NSA products my way, I’m fine with it.”

    Vern Polo Watch Parts Inspector

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