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U.S. Operating Massive Online Spying Program

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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U.S. Operating Massive Online Spying Program

The National Security Agency admitted to accessing the databases of many of the largest internet companies including Google, Facebook, Apple, and Skype, allowing the agency to mine the contents of emails, photos, videos, chats, and other online data. What do you think?

  • “It’s nice to see Republicans and Democrats sneaking around together on this.”

    Brooke Hall Systems Analyst
  • “I give up on America. Ah, who am I kidding—I’m not going to leave. Never mind. I’ll stay. Woo, America! Forget I said anything.”

    Winfred Malick Touch-Up Painter
  • “As long as they’re using the information to learn about my tastes and then cater specific NSA products my way, I’m fine with it.”

    Vern Polo Watch Parts Inspector

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