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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Healthy Living

  • The Onion’s Guide To Gym Etiquette

    Every new year brings a surge in gym membership from new members nicknamed “resolutionists,” many of whom may be unaware that there are unspoken rules everyone must observe when working out.

Pop Culture

Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

U.S., Pakistan Exchange Fire

Troops from the United States exchanged gunfire with our ally Pakistan on the Afghan-Pakistani border. What do you think?
  • "Brief cross-border firefights are just the Army's way of razzing its friends. It's the military equivalent of a noogie."

    Darrel Pearlman
    Systems Analyst
  • "We can relieve tensions with Pakistan by firing some missiles into Israel. Pakistan will like it and Israel will probably be too flummoxed to even respond."

    Syd Burrell
    Gallery Dealer
  • ''If we keep pulling this kind of stunt, pretty soon we might not be very well liked over there.''

    Damon Rawls
    Dog Breeder
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